Why I cut my hair short and why it matters

 

I cut my hair, and although you might think it’s a somewhat trivial thing to proclaim, its effects have been tremendous, and now I am here to tell you why it’s noteworthy.

To be fair, my hair has been about shoulder-length for the last year-and-a-half, so trying to make this change in my appearance seem shocking, would be unfair on my part. However, during this time my hair has suffered: heat damage caused by trying to compensate for an unskilled cut (sorry sis), an extremely uncomfortable growth stage that resembled soccer mom hair, a plethora of expired hair products and an awkward short-medium length that made me look like half of the men in Cape Town, so one could say that I’m rather used to dealing with unpleasant hair. I must admit that I felt insecure throughout all of this, even though I seemed to embrace the humour behind it. My thin, flat hair has always been something that I have loathed and made fun of, but it still meant that I was insecure about some part of my body, and as we all know, insecurity is detrimental to your health. Beside the fact that I have fine hair, for the last few months I have been on my second course of Oratane, a generic form of Roaccutane, a drug that most of you might be aware of. Oratane was prescribed to me due to the fact that I had a sudden and serious case of hormonal acne, which solely targeted my cheeks (which is usually the area where hormonal acne hits). Strangely enough, the rest of my face was completely spotless, and I think that’s what made my insecurities about my skin even worse. It was painful and almost uncontrollable cystic acne, but it did not compare to the embarrassment that I had felt. Now, after a few months on a strong dosage and an added five months of weaning myself off of the drug, I’m finally able to walk out of the house without anything covering and suffocating my face. Unfortunately, even though my problems with my skin had subsided, I still had insecurities about other parts of my body. Often our approach to dealing with insecurities, is to admit that others have it way worse than we do, which is a valid and important fact to consider, but do we ever truly shake loose of that feeling of inadequacy? I tried to do the same, but ultimately just kept sweeping deeper problems under the rug, but after a while the sweeping stopped and I was confronted by it all. I had to decide whether or not I was going to make a change, even if it was something small and only noticeable to myself. I started researching pixie cuts (something actually quite noticeable) because I wanted to change my appearance and because it seemed like a very unique haircut. Little did I know that something much grander would ensue. It started with something solely based on vanity and ended with a moment of self-reflection and acceptance, as well as the dismissal of gender stereotypes.

After cutting my hair, I have felt more feminine than ever, despite what the biggest stereotype might say. I know that generally a pixie cut and some of its various styles are celebrated for its androgynous features, which is perfectly acceptable, but for me that was not the reason behind my decision. I feel that it’s my way of accentuating my own femininity. The night before I cut my hair, I googled how to look feminine with a pixie cut, but looking back now, I am slightly disappointed in myself for doing that. One could argue that it has to do with stereotypes and societal constructions, which is a valid point, but ultimately it was only a young woman scared of losing the curtain of hair that she had grown accustomed to. Choosing to dispose of that very curtain, the one that had sheltered me from my insecurities over my skin, was the most liberating thing I could have done. It gave me the chance to accept that I had problems within myself, but also the fact that I was free from the very demons that kept me inside the house and shudder whenever someone would accidentally graze the side of my face. I no longer feel insecure about my skin or the fact that my face shape is still undetermined (even though I strongly argue that it’s round and puffy, but that’s okay too). It’s a feeling I wish every woman could experience.

Along the lines of femininity and my newfound feminist empowerment, some problems were raised, especially within how others perceived my appearance according to my boyfriend’s approval of it, as well as our relationship. Quite frankly, I find this offensive toward both of us. My boyfriend does not dictate what I can and cannot do with my own body, which is something he fully agrees with and supports me on. I also find it rather insulting that people think his perception of me is solely based on my appearance, and by doing so indirectly assumes that he has shallow intentions. I have come to realise that some have questioned his masculinity because of the fact that our shares the same length. This is a very flawed view on men and how their masculinity is threatened by women. All in all, we should be acknowledging that the dynamics of a gender is changing.

In my opinion, this post carries a connotation to body positivity and what it means to be truly happy in your own skin – a happiness that can only be achieved through a change in mind and heart. Although I frequently try to reject vanity, I have found that just like every other thing in this world, it can be enjoyed, created and experienced in moderation, as long as you realise that at the end of the day, you are the only person responsible for accepting who you are. As important as it is to be accepted by others in order for us to progress as human beings, your own view of yourself should be one of admiration, adoration and respect. I cannot guarantee that what I am saying will continue to be my mantra and something I strive towards each day, but I will at least try to be kinder toward myself and to dismiss my insecurities, so that I can accomplish what I want, regardless of what I look like or try to look like. I am glad I took the time to reflect on something so small, yet significant, and I hope that I have inspired you to do the same, whether it’s cutting off all of your hair or simply acknowledging that you are able to love yourself, regardless of what your insecurities might say.

If you do feel the itch to cut off your locks, but need an extra push or some support, feel free to browse through some of the following links:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYD8gXcxASQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOpl7HOm-D4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fw6FYOwOjyU

http://www.bustle.com/articles/135952-i-got-a-pixie-cut-even-though-i-thought-i-couldnt-pull-off-heres-what